Sunday, 14 July 2013

Official Police transcript #001 (PM/Knap/int.gate/Egit)

SPECIAL NOTE: CID Detectives names redacted as per National Security note #101
DATE: 33rd Julember
TIME: 02:00 hrs
INTEROGATION DETENTION TORTURE INTERVIEW ROOM :111


CID 'A' : So who are you working for?

CONDEMED ACCUSED : I`m a mature student, currently unemployed 'A' if that is your real name! Don`t I get a phone call?

CID 'A' : You do understand you are accused of kidnapping the Prime-Minister don`t you! What makes you think you get a phone call?

ACCUSED : I watch CSI Miami. I know my rights!

CID 'A' : You are a traitor and traitors don`t have rights. When I`m done with here you will admit to everything mark my words.

ACCUSED : Sure I told you I did that on the way over here, what`s the big deal?

CID 'A' : What`s the big deal?

ACCUSED : That`s what I said, what`s the big deal, you got me.

CID 'A' : Do you realise the trouble you`re in? You have committed an act of treason!

ACCUSED : Not necessarily. I read up...

CID 'A' : NOT NECESSARILY?! You read up on what?

ACCUSED : I looked it up in Wikipedia, you can`t be charged with treason if it was done in the Nations` interest and you were outing a traitor!

CID 'A' : What the #### do you mean you read it in Wikipedia? Don`t you know anyone can edit that? As for outing a traitor, you`re the only traitor in this scenario!

ACCUSED : S### anyone can edit it? Oh! Anyway I`m still not the traitor, the Prime-Minister is!

CID 'A' : So your story is that you kidnapped and held the Prime-Minister because he is a traitor?! And where did you get that information?

ACCUSED : The Daily Sport. Big headline in case you hadn`t noticed about two years ago!

CID 'A' : The Daily f###### Sport had a headline two years ago you don`t say!

ACCUSED : I do say and it`s not just me who knows it, the whole World knows it now!

CID 'A' : I see you are trying to set up an insanity plea aren`t you. Well it won`t work. I know your sort, too smart for your own good but I`ll find out the truth in the end.

ACCUSED : I`m not mad and I wanted to get caught, in fact I gave myself up so that I could tell the truth!

CID 'A' : We caught you coming back from the shops.

ACCUSED : Yeah, because I was in there phoning it in, check the 999 tape.

CID 'A' : You knew we were onto you that`s why you made that call!

ACCUSED : You were looking in the wrong continent, not even the right country you big d### don`t talk s###! Aw, stop hitting me!

CID 'A' : Do you think I was born yesterday?

ACCUSED : No but the PM says the Police, Army, idiot lawyers are all under his control and none of them know their a### from their elbow, he finished that sentence with 'the idiots' so I guess he thinks you were born yesterday! AW, quit that!

CID 'A' : Stop the tape, this man needs the toilet!

ACCUSED : A doctor you mean.

CID 'A' : Shut up you!












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